baby j

His response, after I tease him about not knowing how to make (boil) pasta.
"What?!?! Are we pasta making people? Do we live in Italy?"

He's 23.

Grand Opening

Grand opening! Saturday, Oct 29. We're teched up, dolled up, stuffed up, decked out, spaced out, and rollin' out. All I'm gonna say is, it's a beaut and I'm lovin' it.

comical2

*comics written and created by Hooligan A. Thayn

comical1

update

I live in a really fantastic house, owned by a pretty legit LDS author, with a really loving dog and great roommates who tell me things like, "Oh, I knew you'd be normal because you're from Indiana."

And I'm too busy to blog even silly pictures of myself and the madre as youths. Yeah, that last photo down below is Hopey. It's the only photo I have where we resemble each other and it's her worst photo ever. Aces.

studying for the gre

Which of these is not like the other?

heart a'flutter

New favorite movie.

ondemand

What I learn from watching House: If anything is kept hidden from a loved one, no matter how "noble" the reason is, the loved one immediately focuses on how they've been lied too. And that hurts more than the secret would have if it'd been told.

grace

I had the most spectacular fall this morning.

The floor of my room is a minefield of boxes, bags, and furniture. After waking up from a hysterical dream, I was chuckling, with my glasses in hand instead of on my face, as I tried to navigate my way to the bathroom. My foot caught on a suitcase. Hands flailed in a frantic YMCA. Glasses hit closet door. Body landed sideways across a suitcase, legs of a table, and a plastic tub.

Ha.

wuv

Once upon a time, a young girl traveled to Seattle with four other beautiful girls. They had many wild adventures.

One such adventure was seeking (and finding) their RTBFs. Yes, their road-trip boyfriends.

This young girl was the luckiest of all.

mmm bacon

(via Wise Idea)

can't purge. won't purge.

I'm beginning to think that my greatest flaw is my nostalgia.

I'm really not much for swearing and I used to reprimand individuals who swore too much. But occasionally, that word has all the feeling that you need to express and it's bursting through your brain until you say it somewhere.

Damn. I miss you.

countdown

You know you've been working too much when you have a minor lazy-freakout which includes watching multiple episodes of How I Met Your Mother and then making a dance playlist late into the night. Yes, midnight is late.


I won't share the whole mix because it's a weird blend of old, new, pop, hiphop, dubstep, jazz?, and other styles. The majority are not fine quality. But here are the
First
and
Middle
and
Last
and
Sidedish
songs.
Last = I may have grown up in rural Indiana but this was my favorite song back in the day.  Vamos. I may not be the most excitable individual, prone to scheduling and focusing on details, but bareboned, if I could go, I would.
....And ...apparently I wanted to be a chic rapper as a youth? Bizarre. Got to sleep. Early meeting at the library tomorrow. Yeah. Rap. Library. You read both of those in this paragraph.

happiest

My best friend is getting married in two months. When I heard of her engagement a month ago, the wedding plan included just the two of them, her parents, and a pastor in the woods. Thankfully, that's changed.

Guys. In two months, I'm gonna stand next to my bestest bestest's man while she walks down the aisle. If I'm dying with happiness now, I dunno how I'm going to survive that day.

overnighter

I may not have escaped to another country but I've done my fair share of traveling this summer. Vegas, Seattle, Indiana, Boise.... And LA, Cedar City and Philadelphia yet to come.

This weekend was the Twilight Criterium in downtown Boise. I'm going to post my photos (taken with my awesome ghetto phone) in order of the races....slowest to fastest. The pros were incredible. 107 started the race and, as you can imagine on a 3-block course, it was packed in. There were laps where bikers came within 6 inches of my body. Wowza.

VK

Can I tell you that my weekend was magical? Because it was sure lovely. I've got a bundle of stories and pictures to tell you but instead of gushing everything at once, I'll tell you about the two hours that held the most beauty.

I packed a suitcase of age appropriate clothing. Blouses, dark jeans, dressy flats. I brought 80% of these home clean. The rest of my clothes (the running shorts and t-shirts), I had to put in a plastic bag because they were so filthy. One layer of dirt came Saturday morning. K-Ju arrived on her motorcycle, just as Grace's parents were leaving. I looked like quite the teenage rebel, donning a helmet, swinging my leg over the back and zooming off. Adios.

K-Ju's grey and pink helmet said "Hellion" on the back. That's what we were. Two hellions dining on Village Kitchen specials, then zooming down 100 N and onto Flint Road. Two hellions that stopped at the top of a hill and threw our arms open wide to the green embrace that is a midwestern summer. Sweet corn stands. Rolling fields. Lines of trees that hide running creeks. Hit the throttle one more time and don't slow down on the curve. From zero to silo in 60 seconds.

For the first time in five years, I didn't want to get on the plane coming back to Utah. I want more green, more humidity, more lightning bugs, more wide open spaces. I want to stay in a place that still has dirt roads. Where my heritage isn't just names on a paper, but barns and fields and the sweat of hard work.

home

In eight hours, I will be boarding a plane to go home. Home. I can't remember the last time I was home in the summer. It may have been 3-4 years ago. My brain really cannot recall.

I'm excited beyond belief. Not only will I see my nephews (haven't seen them in 1.5 years! They are getting so big) and other family&friends, but I definitely plan on sneaking out at 3 AM and finding a field to watch the stars in. Maybe if I'm lucky, there will be heat lightning. I may rag on the Midwest but it sure does have a lot to offer if you want to ponder in nature. The mountains are majestic and awe-inspiring but a hay bale in a field is pure serenity.

Plus, I get to see the mysterious well. Rad.

good karma

Evening. Ellen gives the last few dollars in her wallet away to a good cause.

2:30 AM. Tired. Driving. Hungry? "Ellen can has cheezburger?" Pulls into Mikey D's. "Welcome to McDonalds, we are currently only accepting cash."


I appreciate the universe's concern for my caloric well-being.

love writes a letter

This morning was my fourth morning waking up in a tent. Sure, that tent is just set up in my living room, but it's still exciting to me. While my friends are off travelling the world and having adventures, I'm making my own adventure in my living room.

Tent. Check.
Mini flamingo lantern. Check.
5 layers of blankets. Check.
Children's books to be read by flashlight. Check.

I think if I had one wish/super power, it would be to be able to live someone else's life for just a short time. I love my own life (mucho!) but wouldn't be completely fascinating to step into Carolyn's shoes as she strolls through the streets of Bulgaria? Or even just be in Sarah's brain for an hour. ... That'd be nuts.

Let's face it, that's why I love reading. All I want in life is to see the world through his eyes, her eyes, your eyes.

to all

wore a bun all day

Guys.
I'm now an underpaid government employee.

Yep. I'm the Assistant to the Librarian at Springville Public Library. I'll let you know what that means when I figure it out.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again:

sorry for the swears

But seriously. This is me. Sorry People. It's just my face.

 

(via Audrey Hepburn Complex)

seattle foodies

Thanks to Leah (Human Google) for the LOTR info and Sarah for suggesting this list.

two favorites

"During my most recently controlled near-death experience, I got to interview William Shakespeare. We did not hit it off. He said the dialect I spoke was the ugliest English he had ever heard, 'fit to split the ears of groundlings.' He asked if it had a name, and I said 'Indianapolis.'" ~ Kurt Vonnegut

astoria

I have been ridiculously social this summer. And yes, ridiculous is the correct term to describe it.

After weeks of rushing from one engagement to the next (to be honest, loving all of them), I had a social breakdown where I went on a double date and was the most awful creature imaginable. No really-- hardly talked to my date, let alone the other couple. It was mortifying, watching myself ooze through the night, a blob of social unacceptability.

So after running a marathon on Saturday morning, I (mostly) took the the weekend off and shut myself up with two books, which I read cover to cover in a few different baths. This might have also been because I was unable to walk, but either way, it was much needed.

...I started this post because I wanted to talk about Super 8 but instead...just talked about myself. I guess I can sum up Super 8 with a few words:

Go. See. It.

Honestly. You like Goonies? Now and Then? ET? Okay, I hate ET but hate/love ET, you'll like this movie. I screamed. I laughed (so much). I cried.

Oh and just FYI, this is the rest of my week schedule:
T: D&D, dinner, Midnight in Paris
W: Strawberry Days Rodeo
Th: Leave for a roadtrip to Seattle for the rest of the weekend

The socialite is back.

take it back Brad

Were there more Cool Ranch chips in a bag when I was a youth or was my stomach just smaller then?

Ah, elusive youth. No matter how many trips to the zoo we take, slurpees we drink, and overpriced little bags of chips we buy, we'll never have you back again.

snack attack

Ghetto phone was running a little slowly so I went to delete some photos. This is when I realized that I like to take pictures of my snacks.
Weird.
Weird weird weird.

So of course I'm sharing them. Can you guess which day I hadn't slept?

It's gonna be another Coke day tomorrow.

Shakespeare High

"...Falling in love with Shakespeare....It really changed my life."  - Tosh Hall

Don't miss this documentary.  Even if you think Shakespeare is overrated or too high falutin', just watch it for the kids.

(Oscar and Tosh, presenting a portion of Midsummer Night's Dream.)

d&d

Public admission:

I now play Dungeons & Dragons (Gamma World!) and I love it.

This is my character:

This is Julian's interpretation of my character:

This shows how seriously we take ourselves*:

 These are Julian's characters (he's plural):

This is how long we giggle over Julian's character:

Infinity

This is my sentence defending myself:

I get to spend one night a week sitting around a table with three guys/men, being creative and laughing til my sides ache.

*Not seriously

hump day

"Get your mind out of the gutter"

--"It lives there constantly. The sides are too slippery to get out."

"I am governor of the gutter."

Real life chats from real life girls who need new real life jobs.

In other news, my mind is currently here:

mail

In today's mail, I received:

A two-man tent*
A curling iron*
A pizza pan*
A beautiful, heartfelt thank you note/high five (#1 best thing of my week)
A packet for grad school
A prep book for the GRE
A Victoria Secret catalog
A homemade, tailored-just-to-me skirt (this was actually delivered via Sarah-mail)

Basically, May 24 = Christmas.



*FREE! Courtesy Gap Reward Points. Thank goodness I remembered to use them before my last day.

Sunday Reading

"We are defined by whom we have lost." - Anna Quindlen

"Whenever you laugh gladness spreads like the ripples in a pond...And it's much the same thing with knowledge, for whenever you learn something new, the whole world becomes that much richer." - Norton Juster 

"I read The Phantom Tollbooth first when I was 10. I still have the book report I wrote, which began 'This is the best book ever.'" - Anna Quindlen, The New York Times 

cooking again

I pack a pretty picnic basket:

Okay kids. It's asparagus season. Two recipes you CANNOT miss are the following:


1.) Asparagus Soup
My alterations:
Use a whole stick of butter, a whole onion, and 3 garlic cloves. Also, only use 1/2 pint sour cream and then a cup of heavy cream. Seriously. Do it.
*On a second batch, I also added chopped sage leaves, red pepper flakes, and some rosemary. Mmm yes. Do that as well.

2.) Prosciutto Wrapped Asparagus
Absolutely no alterations (except I used just 2 stalks each and I think it made them easier to eat). Just make sure you let that dressing sit for a long as possible. The sage...oh. Incredible.

in real life

Yes, we are developing a website for this man:

"I am blessed to practice law, yet I am also a convicted felon (probably don't want to put that on website)."

"I have been told far too many times, by other african americans, that they did not know that there were black attorneys in my area. Clearly, this brown skin can be used to make $$."

mamma's boy

It's morning and I'm an hour late to work, but because of the rain that's been going on for days, I just. don't. care. (How can the world expect me to to anything but snuggle on the couch in sweatpants on days like this?)
NPR is too political this morning. Try as I might, I just can't get into politics. It irritated me how even during the coverage of Bin Laden's death, there was such a focus on how it improved Obama's ratings and how the Democrats are now viewed...blah blah blah. Sorry politicals, I just can't hack it.
I skimmed through the radio stations, stopping on a silly song from my youth and left it there. Somewhere in the mid-90s. Again, because of the rain, my mind wandered away, occasionally focusing on the road enough to avoid the lakes spreading across the asphalt. After several minutes, I finally realize that I've been listening to country pop and I go to skim on to the next radio station when...blast. I hear the lyrics. Yeah, it's one of those country pop songs that you've possibly heard once before but never paid attention to. Don't pay attention. Because it just might be the case that you hear your life sung on the radio in some silly twang and you think, "What the? Who is watching me? How did they know that detail? Only I know that. And oh my heck...they even know the month?!" It's unsettling to say the least and maybe it's the rain again, but I feel a little paranoid. If my life is being used for some sad tale of woe, I'd at least like to cash in on some of the royalties. And have it redone by Elizabeth & The Catapult or something. (They have kind of weird videos...Just got to say that.)

(I am this boy today.)

thirty

(I found this in my drafts today and laughed because an hour ago me and said boy shook hands and agreed to forget and forgive this little incident.)

He told me that sometimes I looked like I was thirty.

Mentally, he got punched in the face.

I don't get offended that often anymore. It takes a lot. Lucky for his face, I was over this small offense after the following exchange:

ME: As someone who is honest and fashion-trustworthy, do you think that I dress like I'm thirty?

N*: If so, then a lot of people our age dress like they're thirty...



Vindicated.  ...Though, her answer still kind of says I dress like I'm thirty.

Fine. It's true.
I want to be a librarian, okay??

no title

I wish I could tell my discovery in a story, where the lines would spell out my moral in some beautiful, eye-opening and thoughtful way. But it's one of those things that we just each have to learn ourselves, a realization that we find our own faith in. And that is that imperfection is beautiful.

two weeks

There is no doubt about it.

He's a Wilson.

imma set you up

My boss just attempted to set me up with the author of this book. (In the words of Jo: "Game over.")

I think not. Sorry man. I'm sure you are kind and nice but I have a small inkling that we don't have much in common.

However, I am tempted to order your book "for as little as 99 cents!"

interests

Listen.

Watch.

happy cinco de mayo

zumba tuesday

After my run-ins with several unhappy, overweight children at KidsGap this weekend, I strongly support Let's Move!

I really hope that there are some middle school gym teachers using this.

(For an easier-to-follow version, see this video.)

Thanks to Kate for posting this on Facebook.

news

It was kind of an eventful weekend for the world.

First, Kate Middleton stole my dress and we all got a lesson in hat-wearing.

(Photo courtesy: CBS News)


Like with almost everything, I was reminded of Shakespeare; in this case, it's because a death was so close to a wedding.
Also, I agree with this gentleman's thoughts on closure.

"I cried. I took a look up at the sky and said 'They got him!' Now the day has come, and it's a mixed emotion. It's sad; it's triumphant. I feel absolutely fantastic. I hope it brings some comfort to the families. No closure. That word should be stricken from the English language."
LEE IELPI, 66, of Great Neck, N.Y., whose son, son, Jonathan, a firefighter from Queens, died in the 9/11 attacks. (Courtesy: NY Times)

macaulay culkin

I'm going on my third night alone. Normally I love having the apartment to myself (loud music and messes in the kitchen), but I'm starting to get real lonely. And jittery. So I guess I'll blog so I feel like I'm talking to someone.

Can I say I have a sincere desire to journal when it so rarely occurs? That's what this thing called a blog has become. You may not understand what I'm saying, but I'll remember what I was talking about.

Yet, since I'm such a nostalgic individual, I've been mourning physical print over the last few days. Probably since I've had to go searching through my e-mail (years back even) looking for things I need/wanted to revisit. And my entire life is in there. There are notes made completely from emoticons, links to youtube videos "that make me think of you", drawings, lists of summer plans, and just communication between those closest to me. I know I can't print it all off and...it wouldn't be the same on print anyway...but I want my kiddos to see some of this stuff. Think that will be possible? Someday, instead of handing them the key to my journal or chest of love notes, I'll write out my password and say, "Go hog wild kiddos. There's over 7577 MB of Ellen in there. Explore my secrets. Relive my past. Read my life and know me."

dear sir

From client:


I tried replying again to your email Ellen and not working, do you know how unprofessional that is??? So irritating!
USE SAME FONT AS MY CURRENT EMAIL SIGNATURE.


The response I wish I could send:


Do you know how unprofessional multiple ??s and caps are? And excuse me that everyone else has has no problems e-mailing me back. And dude. I got the e-mail. Something must have worked.




Will someone please impregnate me so I can stay at home and teach my children not to behave like the majority of my clients? Aka, like babies.

hamMOCK

I don't want this blog to just be e-mails I copy and paste but I got the best e-mail ever today.

"Spain is beautiful, today we drove by many rolling hills with incredibly green and beautiful grass, one thought kept on running through my mind."

That one thought was summer in a hammock in Provo. You'll be able to find the three of us snuggled every night on the corner of 7th and 8th.

femme

Courtesy: tumblinfeminist

bailar

Well, after an hour of zumba, a 4-mile run, and falling flat on my face, my appetite is back.....says the girl straight-spooning Extreme Moose Tracks with a ice pack on her bruised chin.

I have a lot more to say on the zumba class, where the instructor slapped which leg to move next and didn't vocally instruct because she didn't have time to speak both English and Spanish, but frankly, I'm exhausted. And the ice cream is already gone.

Adios.

i follow @nybooks

The complexity of our conflicting desires, emotions, and thoughts fascinates me. Unlike this poem, I know there is joy in the eternities. But I still haven't mastered my fear.

 

In short, I dug this poem. 

Evening

Rainer Maria Rilke

 

The sky puts on the darkening blue coat
held for it by a row of ancient trees;
you watch: and the lands grow distant in your sight,
one journeying to heaven, one that falls;

and leave you, not at home in either one,
not quite so still and dark as the darkened houses,
not calling to eternity with the passion
of what becomes a star each night, and rises;

and leave you (inexpressibly to unravel)
your life, with its immensity and fear,
so that, now bounded, now immeasurable,
it is alternately stone in you and star.

"delight" is the word best used to describe my life.

I'm currently enjoying the last bit of a big quart bottle of Bolthouse Farms fruit smoothie. I kid you not, for the last four days, I've survived on fruit juice, bananas, pie, cottage cheese & tomatoes & salsa, and a midnight pizza with Sarah. Oh and delicious Martha Stewart bridal shower cookies.  I don't know where my appetite has disappeared to but hey, at least it's healthy stuff, right?
However, I just gotta say, I have spoken with more people I love in the last four days that I have in the last four months. And it's been absolutely delightful.  Especially today, where I went from a blanket in the park with Sarah, to gardens, to a door opening to an old brother-friend, to Adam, ever the sharer of goodness.

A love map of my destinations and joy on this sunny Sunday:

Madre: I'm so glad that the colors for the wedding are very "in" at Anthro.

Sarah: Even a mere thirty minutes on a blanket at the park was a glimpse of what the summer is going to hold.

Jay: Gardens! We went carefully over each planned plot of his square-foot garden and smelled handfuls of  soil. Earthy goodness.

Jeff: Wasn't expecting your face when I knocked at the door but nothing could beat our kitchen table chat. 'Cept I'm kind of heartbroken that your gap is gone. It was so endearing.

Adam: "Can you stay another 7 minutes?...Can you stay another 25 minutes?" It's such a delight how Adam shares the things he loves. Especially when he takes the 15 minute route in the car so we can listen to the whole song. And laugh in pleasure ("Ah! He just did that! Amazing!") at all the best parts.

Joe & Grace: Words cannot even describe how excited I am about this union.


Postscript: Just opened another quart juice bottle and made it halfway through while typing. This has quite possibly become a juice addiction.

Postscript 2: Thank you. And believe me, it's true what they say about humility. It does allow you see better the beauty that's all around you. There is hope smiling brightly.

down home

First off: two e-mails saved my life this morning. One was a notification from Facebook (HB: I printed off your message for my journal. Love.) and the other was this list, which was so delightful that I just laughed because there are good and lovely people in this world and I'm lucky they're letting me take part.

everything i ate from the time i woke up 'till the time i went to sleep (by SJW)

Half a large Papa John's pizza

2 rolls from Texas Roadhouse

Half a half gallon of chocolate milk 

2 muffins

A fish

A salad

Subway sandwich

5 Subway cookies

Apple

Large bag of almond m&m's 

Assorted breakfast fruit

Bowl of honey nut cheerios 

Banana 

Entire jumbo bag of cheetos 

Some carrots 

3 can's Coke 

how is that for 389?

-----

Oh, and...Hanging out with SJW has made me appreciate my Midwestern roots more than I ever thought I would. Yes, we are planning a roadtrip back to our homeland and yes, I will be making these in the near future.

two things

1.) Say what you will about Belmont (I'll probably agree), nothing beats rounding the corner at 7th and Seven Peaks Blvd and seeing the mountains rise over the budding lane of trees. Beautiful.

Knowing my run is almost over is nice too.

2.) My door and windows were wide open and I was enjoying the fresh air. ... But I had to close them so I could blare a Bieber song that's been in my head all day. Yep...too embarrassed to share my joy with the world.

Eenie Meenie.

national library week, take 2

Courtesy: A Softer World

my heart's joy

There was a gaggle of girls piled on our couches last Sunday. And I loved it. But that's a broader story. Here's the important part: At one point in the afternoon, I turned to Carolyn and said, "I've decided I want to start keeping my nails short."

This morning, I looked down at my nails, recalled this statement and broke out in laughter at the implications of it all. Let's just say, the implications were massive. I hadn't even realized what I'd been saying---but what I meant was, "Hey, I've decided to accept a little (a lot of) humility and discard my pride."

I'm anxious, stressed, nauseous and worried about my future (which includes a third interview next Tuesday with the curriculum department of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), but still...my life is so filled with laughter and love because of that gaggle of girlies. I echo Elder Cook's words and say, "Women! You are INCREDIBLE."

national library week

If you lived in Indiana, you could have gone to the Fremont Public Library for cupcakes yesterday.

Alas, you do not.

Currently checked out on my card:
Once Upon a Marigold - Jean Ferris (confession: this is my 3rd time reading this book. It fills me with delight)
Alas, Babylon - Pat Frank
Bagombo Snuff Box - Kurt Vonnegut
Bluebeard - Kurt Vonnegut
The Soul of a New Machine - Tracy Kidder

(Audio Books. I commute.)
Mansfield Park - Jane Austen 
Tinkers - Paul Harding
Digging to America - Anne Tyler

I mostly love that I go to bed at 10 and wake up at 5:30. . . . Alright, alright, I'm not overjoyed about the 5:30 but C* and S* make up for it. And being able to run without dying has felt incredible. This Saturday, C* ran her first official 5K and dominated-- we placed 6th and 7th for the women (I won't say out of how many. ha). Then S* and I battled the pellet-snow for 9 miles. "We're tough." All in all, my body is happy with the treatment it's receiving.

But my mind misses these late nights. Sure I'll regret it tomorrow, but C*'s birthday cake had to be made! And what better time to bake than the witching hour?

Tomorrow will hopefully bring the phone call I've been anxiously awaiting since Friday AM. Every time my phone buzzes on my desk, I jolt and snatch it up. So far, no dice. This call is going to help me determine where to go and what to be. I sure hope it keeps me here.  I'm not done with you yet Utah.

8th East

Blog:

I'll have you know that I started at least 10 posts today. Then I took a walk down a road in the dark and spoke every word under my breath and decided that the wind was my best listener.

I'll need you again another day. I promise.

burning

You find your self in unexpected places, clicking links on the Internet. This morning, I read pain. I can see you in two of my own memories: leaning against my counter in the summer and then, months later, chatting with me about jeans and coveting Anthro and J. Crew.  Oh and a third-- pure happiness in singing, all nervousness gone. What I read from you this morning was pure hurt and agony and I sat, mourning. Mourning to the point that I walked swiftly to the restroom, said a prayer of gratitude that it was empty, and cried.

In an instruction list on “how to be a great blogger,” it said to share yourself. To be open and personal with your readers. Even though no one reads this silly ‘ol thing, I can’t (fine, won’t) be that publicly vulnerable. I admired your honesty and wonder if it was therapeutic and helped...or if it hurt worse because the response desired was never received. I won’t know, because you won’t know I read your thoughts and who am I to assume I can reach into your life, to pull even more from your heart. The only thing I wish you knew is that my heart mourned with yours for a moment, and mourned with every cliche-- aching heart; burning eyes; cold, grasping, anxious hands.

minestrone and hearty tomato

I'm retracting my statement saying that I was going to keep track of all the olive oil I used in 2011. Considering that I can't even remember the last time I made real dinner, I have a feeling it's going to be a minuscule amount.

What I should have been keeping track of is the number of cans of Progresso Soup. It's gotta be nearing 50-60 cans in the last three months.

Progresso Soup: The daily bread of a single woman.

That'd be a ineffective ad campaign.

the courage to be imperfect

scoop

I want to scoop up all the beautiful thoughts and people in your life and hold them in a tight squeeze.

Bluebeard

Tonight, I watched Catherine Breillat's Bluebeard.   (Some background info on the story.) About an hour into it, I texted a friend the following: "There haven't been any dead wives yet and there are only 18 minutes left!"

One minute later: "Oh. There they are."  ... With a child playing underneath them. Hmm.

Breillat's film definitely took a different direction from the 1972 brutal male killer version of Bluebeard.  (I still can't get over, "Two...he chandeliered." Ridiculous.)

To start, read this excerpt from a NY Times article on the film:

Terrifying stories like “Bluebeard” can function as a sort of exorcism for our fears, Ms. Breillat said, allowing us the luxury of frightening ourselves in the safety of our imaginations to emerge better able cope with the real horrors of living.
"The difference is that children are fascinated by fear because they are invincible,” she said. “They know it won’t happen to them. As adults we project ourselves onto those corpses in the basement."

Breillat's film spent an hour beautifully depicting a fairy tale. The slow paced scenes were staged with distinct, yet minimal beauty, creating a visual depiction of a folk tale: it was lacking in detail, with underdeveloped characters who stood as representations of culture, ideas, gender, etc.

The pace only changed when the film cut to the two sisters reading the story in the 1950s. Their speedy conversation and the younger sister's wit added a brisk pop-in-pop-out element to the steady tale. And while the anticipation grew for the climax in the Bluebeard tale, the carefree telling of the the bloody discovery by the younger sister (both visually and verbally), in the only moment where the two stories completely intertwined, created a perfect picture of what Breillat mentions in the NY Times' article-- childhood's invincibility.

The younger sister, jumping up and down, unbraiding her sister's hair, bragging about her smarts and blithely telling a brutal tale of murder, is quintessential invincible innocence. And it's this invincibility that Breillat destroys when she dispels her punishment for sibling rivalry in the final moments of the film.  In essence, Breillat is Bluebeard and the innocence she takes is not virginity but the reckless fascination of fear. 

Watch it.

Yes, it's rated R but just because it's French. There was nothing sexually revealing and the gore was quite minimal. To be honest, I would give it a PG-13 just for intense themes. But definitely not R.

my future?

About twice a day, at my desk, I make the following sound: "Chh chhh ch, chh chhhh ch." Then today, I realized what it's from. 0:31

Awkward and freaky. I might have had to shut the door so I could laugh my head off.

snow

My nature: dual. complicated. conflicting. simple.

I am frightened of water but long to be near. My feet wish to be balancing precariously on jetty rocks, a step from slipping down the algaed slope.

Oh summer. Come soon!

grammy

Good. She deserves it.

distracted

My mind has been a million places today. There are a few I want to revisit, so I'll document for my own poor memory's sake.

Morning: Room 9 at the Tate Modern. I think I'd like to explore more into this display of Fairy Tales 
and
 Feminism.
And go back to see it in person again.

Afternoon: I'm Blue. And too cheap/not-gullible to pay to see my other colors.

Evening: As I wrap 6 gifts, I laugh because I am sooo blue.

Night: Even with chill music, I'm still stuck in the groove of Mo Money, Mo Problems. Fav. It's been with me all day.

manic monday

Today has to be documented. At least so I remember.
1.)

I'll quote the responses of two loved ones:
J*: "Good gosh... If it doesn't kill itself, something else will." (Like I've said, there's a reason she's named Ophelia.)

N*: "Street cred! It's an investment in your protection. American Fork is ske-chee."






2.)

Crank call him. Seriously. Who doesn't leave their area code?





3.)

Faxed to me from a client. And yes, while we were on the phone he said, "I hand drew them. I don't know if they are bad are not."

Bytheway, they're clouds.







4.) Talking on the phone to the individual who hit my car. "Sorry, I just woke up. I had a late night last night." We talked at 2 pm. I honestly was totally chill about it until he said that to me. And then I lost all respect for males who drive Escalades. Not that I had much.

5.) Saying no after I was tempted by something that is my greatest weakness. Yes, I am high fiving myself publicly.

6.) Hitting a tumbleweed in the middle of the short blizzard that occured on my way home. I gave a rousing cowboy cheer.

7.) Hearing the barking at the beginning of "She Wants to Move" while running into the wind.  Laughter= we used to bark at the wind on long runs around the track.

8.) Discovering music videos on OnDemand.

9.) Curling up with a YA Novel. Hey--- it's obviously been a long, weird, crazy day.

Loves.

location

Alright. So maybe I was moping all evening. I'd already forgotten about my gratitude of yesterday morning and just decided to fester in sickness, boredom and lonliness.

But. Location. Being in the right place at the right time. Being home on a night when I had plans to be out. Being available to make a cup of cocoa and listen to a friend who just needed to vocalize to someone.

I can't mope anymore for the day. Because once again, it's not all about me and I was just here to be here for someone else.

Rad. And so, after a cough, a sneeze, and a duck-call nose blow, I can sleep with a smile.

satisfaction

So maybe it's 7:15 am and I should be showered/getting dressed for work instead of hunkering down with my laptop in my bright green pjs. Eh. Work can wait. (Plus, N* is in the shower).

I woke up with the greatest feeling of joy and satisfaction because...my nose was running. Weird? Sure. But a running/sprinting nose means that my body is healing itself and that swollen feeling that made me feel so worried yesterday is leaving.  So I have several thoughts: "Yeeeeah body! Way to be amazing!", "Oh thank you Heavenly Father for answering my little prayer.", "I hope everyone is waking up feeling better."

Gratitude. It sincerely makes life beautiful.

Oops. Shower just turned off. Gots to get ready. It's going to be a good day.

purpose

It's about time this blog started getting used for it's original purpose (well, secondary purpose. First was just for a screen shot).

For the first fig, I'm going to give design a shot. Or maybe typography. As a disclaimer, I already know I have no talent at either of those things but the goal is to have fun trying.
Woot.

bottle one

January 5: Purchased one 17 oz bottle of olive oil.

it's gonna be gallons

Blog goal: Having just finished the last tablespoon of my olive oil tonight, I'm setting a goal to keep track of how much olive oil I use in a year. 2011: The Year of Oleic Acid


Just to repeat myself....It's gonna be gallons.