Hi.

Hello stalker.

I think you're swell.

Count Dracula

First off, read this.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Countess_Elizabeth_Bathory

Although the Wikipedia article says that the accounts of her bathing in blood are false, the History Channel says they are true. I saw her bath in it myself countless times. Sure it was an actress, but I'm convinced.

Tonight we watched a special on the History Channel about how legends of vampires formed through historical and other origins. I'm glad Jay wasn't there, or else I would have had the word "folklore" repeated rhythmically throughout the show. Needless to say, the entire thing was a bit more than freaky. Once they snaked down through the ages of myths, they started to describe vampire cults in our own age. That's when I left the room.

Pigs will fly before I go to Area 51. I'm keeping my throat safe.

So I Married a Monster from Outer Space

Ted and Lynn were married this Saturday.
"This ring shall ever be the symbol of my growing love." What the two of them decided they couldn't memorize will forever be embedded in my brain due to their giggling repetitions.

In the ceremony my dad read, he was forced to use dancers as a metaphor. My father, who refused to dance more than half a song at that one, ridiculous Father/Daughter Dance we attended, used dancers as a metaphor. It could have also been used as a metaphor for my chair, which was shaking faster than Carolyn's salsa hips.

I held it in. But it was hard.

I also had a Xanga site back in the day.

Try to find that.

Natalie just told me that there is some low income housing in Kansas where if you have babies, you get to live for free.

I'm moving to Kansas.

Legal Pads.

I found a stash of yellow legal pads in my desk drawer today, hidden behind old manila folders of press releases, campaign outlines and all those other PR tasks that I don't understand and will never actually care for. But the legal pads! Mm. Delight. They reminded me of an old list I used to keep of all the things I loved. I probably wrote half of it on a legal pad itself until I moved it to a digital file. 

Maybe it's the absence of spiral binding that makes me love legal pads so much. It never failed that that stupid wire would come undone or snag my sweater. ...Since I wore so many geeky sweaters as a child.

Doodle doodle. Joe and I used to play tic-tac-toe and the dot game all through Stake Conference on my yellow pad. Or there were a few years when pages were filled with those schnoz'd comic heads of Joe's. 

I don't know how it happened that we always sat in the overflow section. Probably Mom's fault. Heaven knows the rest of us didn't take much time cleaning and dressing ourselves.  

Then there was that day I decided I would be a poet and I took my legal pad to the sidewalk's end for inspiration. As I lay on the hill under that gnarly...oak? tree, I composed the following masterpiece:

Clouds are so big in the sky

They are so prity 

I am so small here on earth.

I would like to state that even as a 7 year old child, I recognized that as crap. I knew I'd never be a writer but come on....the dream was too fun to give up.

I relish being so cliché sometimes. Whatevs. Keeps me unified with my fellow mankind. 

(I just heard a faint "hee hee" from the other side of the office. MJ is spreading.)

Secrets secrets.

Look at all these secrets Noni.